Miscellaneous jokes
I'm dead inside.
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
Why is the pizza place busy? Because it’s pizza day! 😂
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
What's black, long and full of seamen?
A submarine.
My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."
FDdtsgshjdjxhhsjdfj
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
You suck.
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to KFC.