Miscellaneous jokes
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
I'm dead inside.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.
Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Answer:
To prove it wasn't chicken!
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to KFC.
Why was Goofy in the bathroom?
He was goofing off!
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."