Miscellaneous jokes
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
An Irishman walked past a bar.
Why was 6 so afraid of 7?
7 killed 6's parents.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
So many bots commenting so fúcking fix it!
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw