Miscellaneous jokes
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
So many bots commenting so fúcking fix it!
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
Why was 6 so afraid of 7?
7 killed 6's parents.
An Irishman walked past a bar.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
Hi Trent!
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw