Miscellaneous jokes
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
An Irishman walked past a bar.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
Why was 6 so afraid of 7?
7 killed 6's parents.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.