Miscellaneous jokes
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
What is Julius Caesar’s favorite food?
Roman noodles.
Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
Don't let an extra chromosome keep you down!
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.