Miscellaneous jokes
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Answer:
To prove it wasn't chicken!
"Spell ICUP."
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
I don't have a joke about Christianity.
I don't want to get crucified.
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.