Miscellaneous jokes
Velcro is such a rip-off.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Arsenal
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
Taco Bell going out of business.
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."