Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
Q. Why can't you run through a campground?
A. You can only raQ. Why can't you run through a campground?
A. You can only ran, because it's past tents.
(Credit: @punnstagram)
ran, because it's past tents!!
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
Why are smurfs blue?
Because they get bruises all the time.
oof ur gay
ur mum gay
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe’s
my dad
why did the cat cross the road
2 die
Why can’t moons walk?
'Cuz they have no legs, stupid!
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
Your family.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
