Miscellaneous jokes
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
Miss Stephen likes sex like she likes kids.
On a desk in pure isolation.
Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
There are more than 2 genders.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGHET!
Oliver Savagê.
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.