Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous Jokes

Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.

He also forgot to pay the power bill.

If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"

The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

8

Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"