New Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 15

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.

Hi.

7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.

All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.

7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

I have 2000 pounds of one-ton soup.

What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

How do birds pay? With their bills!

What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

A quack head!

My mom must be a duck then...

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.