Mind jokes

I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!

What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind

All these jokes really hijacking my mind.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

Wanna hear a joke about corn?

Never mind, it's too corny.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?

Brain cells make up their mind.

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Never mind, it’s too long.

What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"

Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."

Justin: Hey.

Josh: Hey man.

Justin: Why only "man"?

Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.

Justin: I don't mind.

Josh: Okay, S L A V E.

Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.

“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.

Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.

Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.