Mind Jokes

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.

I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.

You dirty-minded bastard!

Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

Donald faced the other four and orders:

"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

Tony jumps off.

"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

Francis jumps off.

Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

Hillary jumps off.

Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.

-JFK

Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.

Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.

What is a gay person’s favorite book?

The dictionary.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.