Milk jokes

A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

My dad went to go get milk.

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.

I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.

The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"

That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.

I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.

Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"

What bees make milk?

Boob bees.

Is your dad a magician?

Because he magically disappeared.

My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Milk man.

Milkman who?

Milk poooooooooooooooop peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep man!

What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?

The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.

Your dad left for the milk because of your McDonald's hairline!

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

Why do orphans have water in cereal?

Because mom was never around to produce milk.

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

Top five places to find your dad's orphans is Milk Island.

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!