Menu

Menu jokes

Wine

    • I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

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    • Fork

    • A blind man went to a restaurant.

    "Menu sir?" asked the owner. "I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork and returned to the blind man.

    The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "Yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables." Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part" which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!"

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    • Karma

    • Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?

    There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.

  • 0

    • Karma

    • Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

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    • Menu memes

    Restaurant

    • A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.

    The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"

    The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"

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    • Dollar

    • Thomas Bulgin loves McDonald's dollars, A man of simple tastes, he hollers, With every visit, his heart does flutter, For golden arches, a fast food lover.

    Those crispy fries, so perfectly fried, And burgers stacked, oh so high, The smell of grease, it fills the air, Thomas Bulgin, he'll always be there.

    A dollar menu, his saving grace, A feast for him, a smile on his face, He counts his coins, with eager eyes, To savor each bite, a little prize.

    In this world of fast-paced lives, Thomas Bulgin, he surely thrives, For in those golden arches, he finds, A moment of joy, that forever binds.

    He cares not for gourmet cuisine, Nor fancy plates, fit for a queen, For in his heart, a simple truth, McDonald's dollars, his fountain of youth.

    So let him eat, and let him feast, Thomas Bulgin, the fast food beast, For in those golden arches, he's found, A taste of happiness, unbound.

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    • Restaurant

    • Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

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    • Graduate

    • What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

    "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

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    • Cat

    • Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?

    There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.

  • 0

    • Dolphin

    • A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.

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    • Sadness

    • After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

    Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

    Michael Jackson

    • In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.

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