New Means Jokes - Page 20 - Worst Jokes Ever

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

Have you seen all the pants with crazy designs on them? I mean, britches be crazy!

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

Why are so many people mean to orphans?

They can’t cry to their parents.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.

I mean, I don't see why not.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"