Meal jokes

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

Sandwiches are yummy! 😋

Once I ate a table... it was food consuming.

You're so ugly you make Happy Meals cry.

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

What do Africans eat for breakfast?

E-bola Cornflakes.

Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!

What did Sushi 'A' say to Sushi 'B'?

- Wassaaaa....B!

Stephen Hawking and his wife Siri’s favorite place to eat is Meals on Wheels!

I got a chicken drum stick for lunch, thought I might drum up an appetite!

How do you make any salad a Caesar salad?

Stab it 23 times!

Want to hear a pizza joke?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"

There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D

What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.