ME jokes

Friend, you're bold and fat.

Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

The only joke my dad ever made was me.

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Call me an elevator, because I let people down.

Me: Where's your mom?

Kid: [cries]

Me: [leaving from the adoption center]

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”