ME jokes
What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”
I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Talk to me if you're online.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
"Kylin milks me all day like I'm a cow."
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
Hi... I'm depressed.
Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.
Hey guys, it's Hailey here.
I'ma start off with henlo ;-;
I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.
So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.
Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.
I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.
Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
- JFK
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
Me: Knock, knock.
Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA