ME jokes

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

Talk to me if you are online.

Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?

Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.