Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.
Matter Jokes
What do you call a dead hooker?
It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
Aiden's the best, in any contest, and no matter what, he'll kick your butt!
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
Most controversial types of matter:
1. Dark matter 2. Anti-matter 3. Black Lives Matter.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!
Also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?
Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
