your mom was so fat that she couldnt have a man and couldnt go through the door
IM JOKING DONT GET MAD
I saw my midget neighbour at a bus stop
"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Bugger off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little man" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.
What did the twin towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza 🤔
When the pizza man got there all they got was Plane
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
A man is depressed and he sighs, a bully says stop sighing you sound like some guys having a threesome
I killed a man but it was April fools 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
a man sees a girl crying and asks her whats wrong the girl replied everyone keeps making fun of me. you should tell your parents i replied back the girl started crying even more thats when i got confused and left the orphanage
the woman said stop but the man kept going so the wife just kept fucking
An Orphan is at a barbeque and is getting food, A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah. Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.” My friend was the only one who laughed
the man saw a kid on the road and the man asked the man: where are your parents. the boy: ........ the man left the adoption centre
Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch." "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says
Yoo... Kobe your going down man did you forget the low grade fuel?
Me: Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!
Depression: Lie in bed
You just shot an unarmed man. Well he should have armed himself then
to men walk into a bar the 1st says hey hows it going the 2 one says great but then the 3rd man says hello where did my wife go i swear she as just here what happened to the 3rd guys wife
