Make a jokes

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.

What goes up but never past the digits 15?

A Make-A-Wish kid...

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Q: How do you make a fire?

A: Oil and dead babies.

What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?

"We are in the endgame now!"

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.

Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?

Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.

Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

Every time I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

I would make a joke, but it won't be as explosive as the others.

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.