Loss jokes

I saw an orphan take a selfie... oh man, that was one alone family photo.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: They can't find home.

Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.

How to make an orphan die?

Tell them to yell until their folks come home.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

My mom died.

What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?

Why do orphans have dry cereal?

Because they're still waiting on the milk.

What do you call a man who lost his car??

Carlos

The orphanage said I couldn't go home.

Your dad is gone.

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"

The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"

If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

What's the difference between cancer and me?

My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.