Longing jokes
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
What's long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cuCUMber.
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.