What's about 12 inches long has a purple head and can make woman scream all night?
Cot death
Horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies saying "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart." The bartender responds saying "oh" sympathetically. "sucks to be you!" The bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
What’s red, nine inches long , and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when i feed it to her? A miscarriage.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know I close my eyes when I masterbate....
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
Whats long brown and sticky?
A stick.
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
