A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy. The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!"
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening. "Sure honey! If you suck my dick! So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!" "Oh yeah, I forgot" says the father "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma. Why is that man in a box?" and she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "WHAT KIND OF BOX DID HE LIVE IN BEFORE?! HOW IS THIS BOX BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE?! IT'S JUST A BOX!" And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctorz?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done I said "How bout you give me a standing ovation." I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair. Sad and lonely
Why did the pillow cross the road
Because his cousins name was Koshin and he didnt want to live anymore
What a world we live in. Now weβre making jokes about anorexic people.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed. "Cheese-its Christ!"
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
What happens when the twin towers breathe they collapse like a orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa
In my science class we were watching a video and for no reason at all it started talking about Black Lives Matter and my friend leaned over and whispered βwhite lives matter moreβ
Why most of school shooters are mostly white?
because Black lives MATTER
What's the most annoying thing in the world
When your told your still qualified to live
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?" Jo
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
Don't hate life, love it because when u want to live and try again in life, it's already too late. :(
My will to live
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today? (Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka. (Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well I quit! (Kid) Quit What? (Bus Driver) Living. (Kid) But it was a joke! (Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die but you will still be alive. (Kid) Ok (Bus Driver) That was a joke too!
