Living Will jokes

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Why can't an orphan live peacefully?

Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.

Why do orphans live on buses?

They never have a home to stop at.

People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I remember you. You used to be an ash.

I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Are you a gun because I want to live with you?

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?

They both live long with dry skin.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!

"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."