Like jokes

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”

Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?

A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.

Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.

Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

I like looking at BDSM Ariana Grande :)

Like if you know an orphan.

Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!