"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What do Doges like? Memes.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
Boy, you look like the fake Chief Keef!
The ocean didn't start smelling like fish until women started swimming in it.
A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden.
Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
