Life

Life jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

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    • What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

    What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

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    • If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

    If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

    I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

    If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

    I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

    If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

    I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

    If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

    I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

    My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

    I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

    I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

    I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

    I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

    I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

    My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

    Help me...

    I hate people that hate life.

    Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

    *hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

    Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?

    A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.

    Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?

    What do you call the most fucking racist and obnoxious country in the fucking entire fucking omniverse? NORTH AMERICA!

    And if you disagree just 'cus you're American, I don't give a fuck, you low life cunts. Plus, if you don't think you're racist, um, hello people? Motherfucking George Floyd!

    Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

    My friends: "What's your dream job?"

    Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

    For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

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