Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
GET A LIFE DUM DUMS!
says the fucking moron.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
What hates men but would have no life without men? A triggered feminist.
Dark humor is like life not every one gets it
the circular saw asked the chainsaw,"When am I as big as you?" the chainsaw would answer with,"When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner." the circular saw would reply with,"What?"
when you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
My life is like a grenade... I pull of the ring and, BOOM it explodes
Why do orphans like monopoly: To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life
If I was a judge and gave you a sentence I would sentence you to life for your looks
my best opinion: when life goes to hell you just go down with it
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
my life but wait jokes actually have meaning
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
Roses are red my life is a disaster the children are fast but the combine is F A S T E R
