Life jokes
I am the orphan joke.
I'm gonna cut my life off.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?
A "retiree."
What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!
I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because they are so fucking useless!
I put the fun in funeral.
My sister told me a joke.
All she said was "my life."
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D