Life jokes
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
My whole life.
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common? They will both die eventually.
Yo life.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved. I hate my life.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?
Dark humor never dies!