Lessing Jokes

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What’s a priest's favorite sport?

Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.

I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.

A photograph of a starving child sitting on the ground with a sad expression. The text overlay reads "STARVING CHILDREN. Would be a lot less common if starving adults stopped fucking."

Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?

Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.

Stop with the emojis. They kinda just make the joke cringy. For example: How many ppl 🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷 does it take to have 🥒🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑???? Well, it takes at least 1 🤷 and 1 👰 and they make a perfect ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤. See how cringy it is. I mean sure, it's a dumb example, but still, just at least less emojis.

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

What's 9 divided by 11?

Well, I know it's less than two alright!

There were three men, and two of them died.

The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"

9/11 pilots are the best readers.

They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.

Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.

Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.