Lessing jokes
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
The more emos there are, the less emos there are.
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way they’ll get love.
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
What do you call an orphan that grows up to be a priest?
Father-less.
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.
I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."