The more they smile, the less they see.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
Why did God create sex for marriage?
Because he wanted more people and less fun.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Your hairline's less straight than my dad's.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Want to hear a pencil joke?
Never mind, it’s pointless.
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much? Nose-less
The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?
Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!
What do you call a dog with no tail?
A tail-less dog.
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.
