Legality jokes
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
Wait, since I'm underage from having sex, what is it like?
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Legally Blonde.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
It's not rape if you both like it.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.