Legality jokes
What is the legal term for shoplifting?
10 fingers discount.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
Wait, since I'm underage from having sex, what is it like?
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Legally Blonde.
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
It's not rape if you both like it.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.