I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃
Stop making jokes about Kobe.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
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STOP STOP THE ORPHAN JOKERS
I was chopping onions with my brothers so my little sisters cryed onions was a good dog
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
What’s up with the foot feet?
What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."
What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.
Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
What do you call an autistic kid with a rocket ship? A cocker.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
Why did the chair file a restraining order?
The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!
What’s a booty’s favorite game?
Hide and cheek.
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
