Last jokes

What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?

One lasts long and another doesn't.

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.

His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.