Last jokes

My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."

Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:

Starters - role play and stripping.

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.

Dessert - Blowy.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.

Part 1

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?