Last jokes

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?

Their ankles.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.