Last jokes

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

Two boys are talking on the bus.

Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?

Boy 1: Oh, that's right.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.

Famous last words.

Twin towers: “Is it a bird, is it Superman? AAAAAHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIZZ!”

I remember my grandma's last words:

"What are you doing with that axe?"

When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?

She borrows her husband's last name.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.

I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!

What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”