Know jokes
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
Why do orphans become criminals? Because they want to know what it's like to be wanted.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
I'm friends with only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.