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A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

  • 2

    • Best part about being an orphan?

    Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"

    Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

    Son: I don't know.

    Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

    A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

    The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

    The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

    I've never been to Bradford before until today. While driving through the city center with my dad I asked, "Would you set up a business here?", to which he responded "No".

    So I asked "Why not, you'd make us rich!", He gave me a confused face and asked, "How so?".

    So I said, "Because sales would be fucking booming!"

    I know, it's an awful joke.

    Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.

    Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.

    The police: You finally figured it out.

    The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?

    IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!

    911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

    This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

  • 5

    • Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?

    ...

    You do realize that I said nothing, right?

    Me: Exactly :)

    Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

    Person: Yea, why?

    Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

    Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

    After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

    The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

    Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”