Know jokes
Q: How did the skeleton know it would rain? A: He read the weather forecast.
God: Why is the teenager so short?
Angel: I don't know.
God: I said, "Strong as a bear!"
Angel: No, you said, "Ass hair."
God: No, I didn't!
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).
Student: How should I know, that's his story?
I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
What do you call Shroud when he is hurt?
ShrOWd.
Guess what, Shroud is back on wje, I don't know why, but he is...
Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?