There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
What is the richest kind of air?
A millionaire.
What kind of knight puts dumb jokes on the internet?
You!
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
WHAT KIND OF BEES PRODCE MILK BOOBIES
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
