Kill Jokes

A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.

The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.

Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?

Killing the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!

A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?

It danced its a** off.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

Yo mama so old, I bet she was born when dinosaurs were made, and also she killed them with they breath! 😭😭

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

How do you think Julius Caesar killed his enemies?..

With a pair of Caesars! 😂😂👌

Why did Hitler kill himself? He knew the war was over at the beginning.

What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?

He killed everyone on this f#cking website.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Why did Hitler kill people? Because it was funny! 🥵

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

"Just killed a woman, feeling good."

- Tommyinnit

Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.