Kids jokes
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
A kid was asking a mother for money.
Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.
The kid kept asking the mother for money.
Mother: I already told you I don't have money.
The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!
I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.
I tried my best
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
What do Miss Reeves and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have a touchy feeling for kids.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!
What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."