Kids jokes

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?

A: Musical chairs.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?

Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.