Kids jokes

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”

What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”

What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?

A: Musical chairs.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

What is yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of kids.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.