Kids jokes
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents were...
Man, I love working at an orphanage.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
☠️☠️
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.