Kids jokes

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

How do you punish blind kids?

Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

Nobody:

Michael Jackson: giving kids a free cream pie.

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.

Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?

They both enjoy kids' company.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.

I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.