Kids jokes
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
How are an emo kid and a hanging child the same?
Depends on who's hanging.
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
BULLY vs. QUIET KID
Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.
Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.
QUIET KID WINS
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."