Kids jokes

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

Is it okay to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?

Concentration camp.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?

Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5

Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.