Kids jokes

I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.

The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."

So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."

How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?

He made the cut.

What do you call an autistic kid if he was short?

A short tistic.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?

Me:

"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"

When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.

By the way, have you seen my sister?

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.

What do you call an autistic kid with a minigun?

Special forces.

What does a middle aged man live in?

A retarded kid he keeps in the van.

I saw a kid on the curb. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at the orphanage!

What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?

Hot Wheels.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

One time I saw a kid crying, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage!

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire? Ghost Rider.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.