Kids jokes
What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.
What do you call a gay kid on fire?
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
What do you call an emo cancer kid?
Chemo.
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
What makes depressed kids jump?
Bridges!
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."
- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.