My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says you’re next When we attend aFuneral, I say you’re next
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn The windows we Watch through
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid, they were still breathing so I told them to walk it off.
John pretended to be a doctor. Motu came to him. He said "I lost my hunger". John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said "Your hunger is back!" Then,Motu said "I lost my taste." John said "Number 1,bring some water." Motu drank it and said "This is petrol!" John said "Your taste is back!" Motu said "I lost my memory." John said "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said "But Number 1 brought water." John said "Your memory is back!"
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?" Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me." The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything." The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too."
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?
Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.
My father told me to always carry a womens bag but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped moms bag when we went parachuting. :(
Why would doors do well on social media?
Everyone looks for their handles
What do you call a rapper who LOVES nature?
MC Green
What do you call a rapper who took a DUMP?
Lil' Crappie
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS
Your hairline is so far back scientists consider it a ninth planet
How does a rapper like their coffee?
With a little bit of FLOW CREAMER
What do you call a rapper who's always COLD?
MC Freezer
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself....they were making sexual faces as well, oh and don't forget the moaning they do.
For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but ... we're still working on it.
