Joke Jokes

Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

A: To find Pooh!

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.

The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣

A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

I guess bro wants our birth rate to turn into a perpendicular line. BP in a nutshell.

A screenshot of a social media post. The post starts with the text: "I'm asexual!!!! It took me 12 or so years to figure that out. The idea of intercourse between two people disgusts me so much, why would someone do that?" There are two comments below. The first comment says: "Let me guess, you had a 'wait, they're serious about that?? I thought everyone was joking!' moment? :)"

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”