Joke jokes
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Memes
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.